[Sometimes it's nice to be surrounded by people that haven't known you you're whole life. Makes it easier to dodge around things. Steve sighs and shakes his head. Is he that obvious? Yes.]
No, you didn't. Sorry. I just...
[He starts pulling out the veggies for the soup as he talks. It gives him something to focus on and an excuse to not look at Bucky. He doesn't want to have this conversation, least of all while Bucky is half naked, looking like a...what do the kids say? A damn snack.]
If we're doin' both, then you're helping with the prep, Mister.
[He tries for a lighthearted tone and even to him it sounds flat. He closes the fridge and just stands there. Stewing in his own frustration. How can he even begin to explain? Buck, I don't like that you bring up the dames from before 'cause they ain't around now and I'm not much interested in the ladies these days, 'specially now that you're here? Damn it if he doesn't have to physically bite his tongue to keep from just spilling it out, then may Thor strike him down.]
I just got in my own head, Buck. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you anxious.
[ the answer comes easily and truthfully; steve never could, bucky realizes, even if he tried. any anxiety he has comes from other things: sudden movements, blind spots, the slide of cold water down his back, down his throat. at nights, when the apartment is deathly still and quiet, even the rattling of his breathing makes him hypervigilant.
no, this, this doesn't make him anxious. it does make him wonder, though.
bucky roots around the bag of produce and takes up a few potatoes that need peeling, gives them a quick rinse in the sink and gets to peeling them with unnerving efficiency. they keep the knives in a drawer now, after one unfortunate incident where bucky got spooked and made creative use of the knife block. (they still haven't fixed the deep gash on the wall that came from that. bucky should get to that soon.)
he reaches for the carrots once the potatoes are precisely peeled. ]
Is it me prying into your dating life? I'll stop. [ i don't know what you're like sometimes, i don't know what i'm saying that makes you shutter down, what did i miss? ] It's not my business, anyway.
[As soon as he sees Bucky move around the kitchen, his own moves in accord. Gathers the seasonings and dutifully measures them out; gets the pot of water ready to be boiled. They work well together, even after all those years apart. The mind may forget but the body remembers.]
There's nothing for you to pry into. I don't have a dating life. It's not that. Not really.
[He cuts the potatoes precisely, then dumps them into the pot as he speaks. While he waits for the rest of the veg to be done, he gets the fixings for the sandwiches. Should he just bite the bullet? What would he even say? He's not entirely sure he understands why he's upset. How can he explain it?]
'Sides, if there were anyone, you'd probably know before me. But I just...During the war the only girl I thought of was Peggy. When I woke up there was too much going on to think of dating. Nat tried setting me up a couple times, she tell you that? I'm not much into the ladies of today. They're gorgeous, yeah, but I just...
[He wipes his hands on a towel and turns to face Bucky. Just tell him. I don't need anyone other than you.]
I don't. I'm fine. With just us. If you want to go out, then by all means, but I'm fine. I'm...happy like this. ....Toasted or untoasted?
You're happy making me food? That's a low bar to clear, Steve.
[ not that he's complaining. quite the opposite: if they could stay like this forever, just the two of them in their little pocket of the universe, he wouldn't want anything else. they never got to go home after the war; the war had taken from them, left them with less than nothing in its aftermath. they never got to grow old with their people, never got to be healthy and happy and almost-whole under the shadow of the victory they fought so hard for.
they died in the ways that matter, and the world keeps on taking.
maybe it's incredibly selfish to want to keep steve all to himself, especially when steve deserves to find someone he can love. there was someone like that, once. peggy would've been good for him. but she's gone now, too, and isn't that the story of their lives. ]
Toasted is good. Extra crunch. We never got to make toast this easy before. [ before. always before, like a broken record stuck on the needle. ] Steve, I...
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
Yes.]No, you didn't. Sorry. I just...
[He starts pulling out the veggies for the soup as he talks. It gives him something to focus on and an excuse to not look at Bucky. He doesn't want to have this conversation, least of all while Bucky is half naked, looking like a...what do the kids say? A damn snack.]
If we're doin' both, then you're helping with the prep, Mister.
[He tries for a lighthearted tone and even to him it sounds flat. He closes the fridge and just stands there. Stewing in his own frustration. How can he even begin to explain? Buck, I don't like that you bring up the dames from before 'cause they ain't around now and I'm not much interested in the ladies these days, 'specially now that you're here? Damn it if he doesn't have to physically bite his tongue to keep from just spilling it out, then may Thor strike him down.]
I just got in my own head, Buck. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you anxious.
no subject
[ the answer comes easily and truthfully; steve never could, bucky realizes, even if he tried. any anxiety he has comes from other things: sudden movements, blind spots, the slide of cold water down his back, down his throat. at nights, when the apartment is deathly still and quiet, even the rattling of his breathing makes him hypervigilant.
no, this, this doesn't make him anxious. it does make him wonder, though.
bucky roots around the bag of produce and takes up a few potatoes that need peeling, gives them a quick rinse in the sink and gets to peeling them with unnerving efficiency. they keep the knives in a drawer now, after one unfortunate incident where bucky got spooked and made creative use of the knife block. (they still haven't fixed the deep gash on the wall that came from that. bucky should get to that soon.)
he reaches for the carrots once the potatoes are precisely peeled. ]
Is it me prying into your dating life? I'll stop. [ i don't know what you're like sometimes, i don't know what i'm saying that makes you shutter down, what did i miss? ] It's not my business, anyway.
But you'll tell me, right? If there's someone?
no subject
There's nothing for you to pry into. I don't have a dating life. It's not that. Not really.
[He cuts the potatoes precisely, then dumps them into the pot as he speaks. While he waits for the rest of the veg to be done, he gets the fixings for the sandwiches. Should he just bite the bullet? What would he even say? He's not entirely sure he understands why he's upset. How can he explain it?]
'Sides, if there were anyone, you'd probably know before me. But I just...During the war the only girl I thought of was Peggy. When I woke up there was too much going on to think of dating. Nat tried setting me up a couple times, she tell you that? I'm not much into the ladies of today. They're gorgeous, yeah, but I just...
[He wipes his hands on a towel and turns to face Bucky. Just tell him. I don't need anyone other than you.]
I don't. I'm fine. With just us. If you want to go out, then by all means, but I'm fine. I'm...happy like this.
....Toasted or untoasted?
[...Smooth, Rogers. Real smooth.]
no subject
[ not that he's complaining. quite the opposite: if they could stay like this forever, just the two of them in their little pocket of the universe, he wouldn't want anything else. they never got to go home after the war; the war had taken from them, left them with less than nothing in its aftermath. they never got to grow old with their people, never got to be healthy and happy and almost-whole under the shadow of the victory they fought so hard for.
they died in the ways that matter, and the world keeps on taking.
maybe it's incredibly selfish to want to keep steve all to himself, especially when steve deserves to find someone he can love. there was someone like that, once. peggy would've been good for him. but she's gone now, too, and isn't that the story of their lives. ]
Toasted is good. Extra crunch. We never got to make toast this easy before. [ before. always before, like a broken record stuck on the needle. ] Steve, I...
You know you're my best guy, right?